I'm Going Back

Recently I did a little time-travel. Our minds have that capability, only we call it memory. But what I did was more like time-travel because I decided on a particular time, walked through my mind to that time and found the place I was looking for in order to visit it. Unlike memory it was a very calculated search and I was looking for something special. It's true that when you remember something from the past, it often happens that there are pieces missing. We remember some things and not others for no apparent reason. It is also true that if you try to remember an event more than once, you can sometimes come up with things that you didn't remember the first time. That was my purpose in time-traveling and what I found was very helpful to me.

Each of us is born into a set of circumstances over which we have no control. Our childhood is largely what others make of it. Although that seems unfair, it is nevertheless a fact that we cannot escape. The trouble is that children don't always understand the things that happen to them. They don't know what their parents and family might be going through, they don't understand anything about money and they have no clue why there should be anything but happiness and peace in their lives from the minute they arrive.

I have always considered myself a happy person. I cannot think of any major event in my life that I would say had devastated me beyond my ability to recover. But I've known for a long time that there are plenty of things about myself that defy explanation, like why do my knees get all tingly whenever I get near a bridge, or when I see someone get injured why do I get all jumpy and want to run? Or why do I cry when I see a small child clinging to their Daddy? I didn't know, but I wanted to find out.

I did some research and discovered that people have what are sometimes called 'automatic responses'. Whenever something happens to us, especially if it is traumatic, our minds create a unique database for that event. That database is filled with all the information about the event that your mind was capable of knowing; like the time of day, smells, emotions, words, temperature, sights or sounds. These packets of information along with your initial response to the event, will be stored in a special part of the brain to be recalled in a split second whenever there is a close match to any of the things in the packets. Your initial reaction to the event becomes the basis for the automatic response of the future. This can consist of emotions, adrenalin rush, headache, illness, fear, panic or whatever the original response to the event or danger was. That original response becomes the programmed response and the brain will put it into effect for you without you even being aware of it. For instance, the smell of homemade bread brings me to my grandma's kitchen, with a feeling that I need to wash my hands because that's what grandma always had us do.

I have noticed that horses have this interesting mental function which manifests itself in self-preservation. If a horse has had even one experience where someone has been violent with them, they will associate violence with people ever afterward. All animals, and even plants, have the ability to register this kind of information. The purpose of the information is, of course, safety. If you have been in a dangerous situation, your mind is capable of quickly warning you of any recurring danger and initiating important action, thereby preventing you from repeating your mistakes.

“Why am I crying?” I asked myself one day when I watched a little girl clinging to her daddy's neck with both arms. It occurred to me to go back in time and find out. So I did. And the best part was that I could go back, look at what happened, understand the initial response and CHANGE it! It was a little like something out of a sci-fi novel, but it worked. Like a computer programmer, I went back to the database and programmed new responses. Of course I had to study the database to understand what happened and why I did what I did but then it was a simple task to erase false notions and childish misunderstandings and replace them with what I know now. Unlike sci-fi novels, going back isn't just interesting, it's helpful and I can use all the help I can get.