The Choice

In children and adults alike there is a tendency toward getting 'even'. It begins when we are very small; a child bumps into another child and he automatically bumps back or someone takes something that belongs to him and he immediately looks for something of theirs to take. As adults we might use more sophisticated means to get even with someone, for instance, if a careless driver cuts off someone in traffic there is a tendency to want to speed up and cut off the careless driver; or if a doctor makes a mistake in diagnosis that injures the patient, a law suit is the expected course of action. In fact, getting even is so much a part of our culture that when we see someone quietly walk away from the injury or the law suit we call them weak, simple or just plain stupid.

There once was a man who had a very hard life. Injustice, injury, trouble and wrong seemed to follow him wherever he went. One day he decided that life was not fair and that it was up to him to even up the score. So, he began adding up everything bad that had happened to him. He kept constant tally in his mind, reciting to anyone who would listen the list of grievances he had accumulated. He began to make plans for the ways he could take back what he had lost or make them pay who had hurt him. Because he spent his time looking backward, he forgot to look forward. Because of that his business failed. However, he seemed somehow pleased that he could add to his list one more injury that had been done to him.

And so it went throughout his life. Every disaster was used to prove that life was unfair. Every waking moment was consumed in thoughts of getting even. His work ethic changed from one of industry and frugality to one of self-pity and self-justification. Grand schemes of revenge and earth-shattering law suits filled his mind from morning until night. With each passing year he had less money, and yet his great plans continued to grow in his mind. By now the list of injuries had grown so great that the only way to satisfy his need for revenge was to plan the death of those whom he thought were responsible.

By this time he had only a small government check each month on which to live, yet he still continued to prepare for court cases against his growing list of enemies. Because he was limited in what he could actually accomplish due to his limited income, he began to write letters of intent to those he esteemed as his enemies. Accusations, threats and promises of revenge filled the pages of his letters, each more caustic than the last. This once gentle man even purchased weapons with which to back up his threats. Other plans included a strong brick wall to enclose his property and fortress-like remodeling of his home. Poverty alone kept him from carrying out all of his plans.

Finally, with bitterness consuming his every waking moment, his health failing and everything of value squandered, he reached old age. Not a graceful, happy, useful old age, but a bitter, angry, vengeful old age, filled with thoughts of death, revenge and suicide.

Long ago, my mother taught me that the good you send out comes back to you, and so does the bad. I learned at a young age that in being kind to someone I was also kind to myself because the kindness I send out comes back. It may not come right away, but it always comes. In the same way, the bitterness, anger, fear, frustration, envy or any other negative sent out, will come back to the giver. In that way life is extremely fair. It was not the injuries that others had done to the man that hurt him, but it was what he gave as a result. At Christmas time, people always say, “It isn't what you get, but what you give.” That is true. It isn't what happens to you that matters, but what you give in return that will determine the quality of life.

There was another man, who, though all things bad were done to him, he did none in return, but only did kind and helpful things. His life did not end in bitterness and regret, but was filled with joy and peace. The choice is ours.