The Battle

There are those who act as though the purpose of life were to get all the money, position and convenience you possibly can. For them, life is a battle to be fought with your hands, reaching endlessly for what you need and want. It is a battle of things, appearances, resumes, skills and advantages that only ends when you die and even then, you must pass those values on to your children lest they squander that in which you have invested so much time and effort. By this standard, a man's success is measured by his salary, investments, possessions and the size of his home, all of which is outside of himself. But what if, when measuring success or failure, we measured the inside of a man instead of merely his possessions? How could we do such a thing even if we tried?

When I was very young, I used to sing. I had an older sister who also sang. Once, while listening to me singing, my sister leaned over and with something less than appreciation let me know that my singing was 'flat'. The way she said it, and what I thought she meant by it, was enough to cause me, from that time onward, to always try to tighten my voice, sing softer, to avoid other people when I sang and in general to feel that my voice was unacceptable to other people. Forty years later, as I stood on the stage in front of 1300 people, those feelings came back to me and I wondered if all those people were going to think that I was singing flat!

Victor Frankel, the famous writer and thinker who survived a prison camp experience, said that though his captors could take everything else from them, including their lives, there was one thing they could not take away, and that was their capacity to choose how they would react to their situation. He was able to choose love in the face of hatred, service in the face of deprivation and purpose in the face of confinement.

Principles held within the mind and heart of a man are more powerful than money or advantages. If a man believes that he is a failure because he has little money, no position and few possessions then he is bound by that belief. Even as I was bound by my belief that whenever I sang, it would be flat and people would not want to listen, so we can be bound by the things that we believe about ourselves. In other words, the real battle of life is within the mind of a man.

I have read of a blind man who, deciding to climb Mt. Everest, set his mind to the task and finally completed it, making him the first blind man ever to do so. But he only succeeded after he had determined that he was capable of such a thing. If he had decided that because he was blind, he should not even think of doing such dangerous things, then it would have been true. . How many times do we stop ourselves from whatever it is we would like to do, simply because we believe it is not possible. I have heard hundreds of people say to me that they would love to succeed if only they had the money for this or that advantage; and so they have given up all hope of success, unless they win the lottery or someone gives them a million dollars. On the other hand, there are those with wealth and advantages in abundance who accomplish little and find neither success nor happiness.

Success comes not to the one with the most money, but to the one who has defeated the false ideas of his own mind that keep him from accomplishing whatever he desires. People through the ages, have proven time and again, that humans are capable of amazing things. However, there are those who falsely believe that the only thing standing between them and success is money and practice. But that is not quite true, in my opinion. The only thing standing between anyone and their own success is that little gray battlefield on your shoulders that must be won in order for you to believe that you are capable of success or happiness or anything else.

I once watched as a little handicapped girl played a beautiful piano piece. Her mother had been told that the girl would be a vegetable all her life. She did not believe it. She had won the battle that we all must fight if we would find either happiness or success. And that's worth fighting for.

A New Year; A New You

With a new month, a new year and according to some a new age, coming fast upon us, it reminds me of the tradition of new-year's resolutions. When I was a child it was common for people to talk about their resolutions through most of December and January of any given year. It seemed to me a good way to take stock of one's life and then to do something constructive about it. This year, I can't say that I have heard anyone speak of a new-years resolution or any resolution for that matter. To resolve, unequivocally upon some course of action can be a powerful force for good in one's life. However, the decline and fall of the resolution can only indicate a decline and fall of the good that comes from it.

I overheard a conversation recently, of a person who was relating an instance of the abuse of her friend by a person close to her. She was obviously concerned and upset because this friend had not the resolve or the fortitude to remove herself from the abuse, but was inclined to justify the abuser and ignore the abuse for the sake of other seeming benefits that might be gained by the relationship. This little bit of an overheard conversation caused me to ponder on some of the human frailties we all possess.

When I was growing up with three older brothers and two older sisters, I found myself in a constant battle, the nature of which was a mystery to me. As anyone knows who has had older siblings or a boss, the temptation to treat those under you with something other than kindness, generosity and fairness is unfortunately universal. I other words, I knew what it was like to be oppressed and mistreated. In saying that, I do not mean to imply that my siblings were malicious. No, I believe that they were mostly unaware of the pain they were causing those of us who were younger than they were, just as a boss might be unaware of the feelings of his subordinates. Nevertheless, I was often hurt, both physically and emotionally.

For my entire life, I accepted the pain I endured at the hands of unkind siblings and others, as normal and natural; a part of life that could not be avoided and therefore must be tolerated and forgiven. In so doing, however, there was a vital principle of existence that was being overlooked. In overlooking this principle I discovered that I was perpetuating all of the abuse which I so fervently wished to avoid. It is not an obvious principle, either to discover or to understand, so I can understand why I could not see it for most of my life. But it is one that, if used properly, can become a great catalyst for change. The principle is self-respect. Unlike self-esteem, it is not so much interested in 'liking' one's self as in simply giving one's self the right to live and in treating one's self as you would treat a respected friend.

Most people treat themselves pretty badly. For instance, most people will call themselves 'stupid' if they make a mistake. This and other self-abuse is all too common. A person who respects himself will refrain from speaking thus to himself and will give himself the benefit of the doubt; always giving an honest assessment of the situation, without unjust or undue criticism. Apply this principle to a new year's resolution and you have an unbreakable promise that you keep to yourself. Why should it be easier to break a promise to ourselves more than to a friend? Why should we think less of ourselves than of others? And how can we expect others to treat us with respect if we do not respect ourselves? A person who thinks little of himself and allows others to hurt or abuse him, will discover that there are a host of people out there who are willing to perpetuate that hurt. On the other hand, if you respect yourself, you will not allow others to treat you that way, but you will stand up for yourself, even as you would stand up to a bully on the playground.

When self-respect becomes a governing principle in your relationships, then mutual respect can be cultivated and peace can be found. When self-respect reigns in a person's being, then resolutions become unbreakable promises to one's self and the stepping-stones to great progress and achievement, and isn't that what a new year or a new age should be about?

Christmas and Money

Children look forward to Christmas because of the things they hope to receive. Adults often do not look forward to Christmas because of the things they feel obliged to give. If you have not the means to give gifts, then the feelings might be even more unpleasant. But, perhaps there needs to be a shift in how we think of gifts, in order that Christmas time might be one of joy for everyone.

It occurs to me that there are some things that money can buy and others that it cannot buy. For instance, money can allow one to purchase products that will cause illness, but it cannot, for any price purchase good health. When we buy health insurance, we think we are buying health, but health insurance is really just speculation or gambling. You are betting that you will be ill and require medical attention and the insurance company is betting that you will not. The more medical attention you require the more you are required to pay. But, paying more health insurance does not insure good health. Health is something that comes with patient, knowledgeable care of the body, good eating habits, and a host of other things, all having to do more with knowledge and self-discipline than with money.

Peace is another commodity that cannot be purchased with any amount of wealth. Money can purchase weapons, bribe leaders, coerce populations, cause, promote and foster war, but it has no power to bring peace because peace is a quality or a gift of the heart. Peace in the individual or in a nation is built upon principles of trust, truth, hope, equality, freedom etc. None of these things can be bought with money.

Then too, you can spend a lot of money, hiring any amount of people you can name, traveling the world over, giving millions of dollars to individuals and organizations, finding many people willing to attach themselves to you because of your money and never find a true friend. The history of the world is full of accounts of the wealthy and powerful being surrounded by those who would share in their wealth. However, flattery, betrayal, conspiracy, murder, strife, envy, duplicity and every vice imaginable are connected with great wealth and power. With all that wealth, they could not purchase happiness, peace, freedom, security or health for themselves or their children.

In our daily struggle to live and survive in the modern world, I think we forget some of the lessons of the past. We think that if we can purchase something big for our children, our spouse, our friends or our relatives that somehow we will be loved and appreciated more. As though we could give and receive love through an x-box or a box of chocolate. But, just as wood does not conduct electricity, so x-boxes or chocolate or any other material thing, do not convey love. Love is carried in the person; the eyes, the heart, the feelings, the countenance. Any other method is bogus and counterfeit.

The trouble with buying gifts is that it is so easy to do. Anyone can go to a store and purchase a thing to give to someone. It is much more difficult to cultivate, acquire and share gifts of real value, such as love, hope, compassion, vision, help, warmth, joy, closeness, beauty or peace. These can be shared, just as the store-bought gifts can be, but they are more lasting, more meaningful and of infinitely greater value. Certainly, where necessities of life are needed, necessities ought to be given. To give trinkets where food is needed would be an insult. But to give anything else where love is most needed would be a tragedy.