What Do Parents Know?

One of the benefits of having parents is that they teach you things that you would otherwise have to learn by your own experience. My parents have taught me many of these 'secrets' of life that have helped me in ways I could not even begin to calculate. It makes me grateful for good parents, but it also makes me feel a growing responsibility to the rising generation, to pass on some of this sage advice from my parents as well as some of the knowledge I have gleaned from other wise people who have lived on this world.

“Memorizing good poetry makes you a better person” My mom used to say. “Never talk back to your elders. Sing a song when you are discouraged. Doing dishes builds character. It's easier to keep up than to catch up. Criticism hurts people. Always do the important things first, the unimportant things will wait. Children are more important than anything. Life is too good and too short to waste it. It's a small world, so keep your nose clean, and out of other people's business.”
Dad would say, “If you don't tell the truth, no one will trust you. If you started it, you finish it. You took it, you eat it. If you make a promise, you'd better keep it. Do what you think is right, even if other people don't like it. A good reputation is worth all the work it takes to get it and keep it. Being honest is more important than getting ahead. People will do things that hurt you, but that doesn't mean that you have to be miserable about it. Take it with a grain of salt. If that horse bucks you off, you get right back on him. Never give up. Yes, you can marry that person; you're the one who has to live with him.

These and many more little gems were handed to me on a daily basis as I was growing up. And, as powerful as those old maxims are, there is one thing that is even more influential in my life where my parents are concerned. When I reached an age where I started to compare myself to my parents, I started to realize things about them that had never occurred to me before. I discovered for the first time, things about my parents that they could not have told me in words.
For instance, shortly after I was born, my Dad bought a Bar. Mom, with seven children in tow, moved into the house above and adjacent to the Bar. She worked daily tending bar, ran a restaurant and over the next few years, had three more children. She made sure that we practiced the piano, even though it was in the bar, by having us wake up early, before school. We lived so far from a church that she would teach us Sunday school lessons at home on the days when we couldn't go. She would even try to persuade people to stop drinking at the bar, because she believed that it wasn't good for them. If my mom never said another word to me, I would know, by her life, what was important to her, and how to live my life better because of it.

I was just a baby when my parents moved out to the Bar. As I grew up, I just assumed that Dad had bought the bar because he wanted to own a bar. A couple of years ago, however, I learned the rest of the story. Dad had a friend who asked him to be proxy for a business transaction. Dad agreed and closed the deal in a timely manner and went back to report what he had done. His friend then decided not to complete the deal, and sent my Dad to return to the man with whom he had done the transaction. Dad said that he knew that if the deal did not go through, the man he was dealing with would be in trouble. Rather than just pass the buck, and let someone else worry about the consequences, Dad decided to complete the deal himself. He went to the bank for a loan and purchased the Bar in order to prevent the owner from receiving greater harm. If he never said anything else to me, I would know how to conduct my own life. I would know how to be noble and good.

Parents think that their children don't listen to them and that may be true. But some day, they will hear everything you had to say, only you won't have to say it. They will just know.